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Of course, I’ve only known him a few days but we’re having fun getting to know one another. I went to work one day only to find The Leech sleeping in my bed when I got home!I barely knew the poor guy, but he hung around like a lost puppy for three days until I politely informed him to get out of my house. The Leech latches on for dear life and can grow controlling using his well rehearsed manipulation tactics.Whenever he’s feeling brave, he takes another crack to wear me down. The Pretend Friend is biding his time for the relationship to materialize while using underhanded tactics.
Throughout the one-sided conversation he stared lovingly at his reflection, not bothering to notice anything else for a solid 15 minutes.
He doesn’t want you to go out with your girlfriends tonight. I love to interpret blatant signs of immaturity as a sign I can swoop in, play teacher, and “fix” things.
I even used to proclaim, “I love a good project.” This was both self-aware and incredibly stupid.
Until this point, I’ve only been able to use this superpower for self-deprecating jokes, hilarious (but lurid) tales, and dating advice for my single friends.
However, my well-honed douchebag radar will be better used if my mistakes help others from getting involved these stereotypical types of toxic boyfriends: A picture frame went whizzing past my head and smashed on the wall behind me.